For the foreseeable future, this blog is going to be dedicated to my interpretation and analysis of the advice of the Berman sisters, from a Latina point-of-view, because we’re the nation’s largest minority and I don’t think we should let las flaquitas esas talk for us.
The first thing I got to say is this: No self-respecting Latina on earth would get up on a stage, on the TV, next to her sister, and talk about sex. It’s not right, m’ija. I’ll talk to my girlfriends about it, and my man.
But I am not about to go getting up there in public, and swinging my stuff around in front of my blood relative, girl. That’s some flat crazy white-girl nonsense right there, okay? It’s like the Barbie twins or something.
(Eeeeewwwww....sisters!!!!)
I mean, c’mon, girl! Look at the photo of those skinny Bermans, all rubbing up on each other like that. Por el amor de Dios. It’s straight-up incestuous, and the Lusty Latina ain’t about sex with relatives, oiste?
Now, I am serious when I say incest is a white thing, and I don’t say it to be divisive. I say it because it’s a fact. How else can you explain that incest is legal in France, as long as the parties are adults? Or the fact that Germany is the only country where a brother and a sister are in the middle of sueing the government to get rid of incest laws so they could continue their sexual relationship? The German “couple” in question has four children, two of them with severe disabilities due to inbreeding. Hello? They couldn’t shack up with anybody else? Dios mio, dios mio. Or – get this – the fact that in Sweden it is perfectly legal for two people who share one parent by blood to get married?
It all goes back to the Bible, m’ija, where Lott had sex with his own damn daughters to carry on their lineage. Oh, and don’t even get me started with the damn Greeks, okay? You don’t hear about Yemaya or Oshun doing the nasty with their sons, or their brothers.
Ay, no, m’ija. This is what I’m trying to tell you. They say that Latinos are the most mixed-blood people on earth. I attribute to this the fact that we are gorgeous, brilliant and spectacular. And we didn’t get that way by acting like the cochinera Berman sisters, or inbred Germans. We got that way by mixing it up with people outside the family.
