For the foreseeable future, this blog is going to be dedicated to my interpretation and analysis of the advice of the Berman sisters, from a Latina point-of-view, because we’re the nation’s largest minority and I don’t think we should let las flaquitas esas talk for us.
The first thing I got to say is this: No self-respecting Latina on earth would get up on a stage, on the TV, next to her sister, and talk about sex. It’s not right, m’ija. I’ll talk to my girlfriends about it, and my man.
But I am not about to go getting up there in public, and swinging my stuff around in front of my blood relative, girl. That’s some flat crazy white-girl nonsense right there, okay? It’s like the Barbie twins or something.
(Eeeeewwwww....sisters!!!!)
I mean, c’mon, girl! Look at the photo of those skinny Bermans, all rubbing up on each other like that. Por el amor de Dios. It’s straight-up incestuous, and the Lusty Latina ain’t about sex with relatives, oiste?
Now, I am serious when I say incest is a white thing, and I don’t say it to be divisive. I say it because it’s a fact. How else can you explain that incest is legal in France, as long as the parties are adults? Or the fact that Germany is the only country where a brother and a sister are in the middle of sueing the government to get rid of incest laws so they could continue their sexual relationship? The German “couple” in question has four children, two of them with severe disabilities due to inbreeding. Hello? They couldn’t shack up with anybody else? Dios mio, dios mio. Or – get this – the fact that in Sweden it is perfectly legal for two people who share one parent by blood to get married?
It all goes back to the Bible, m’ija, where Lott had sex with his own damn daughters to carry on their lineage. Oh, and don’t even get me started with the damn Greeks, okay? You don’t hear about Yemaya or Oshun doing the nasty with their sons, or their brothers.
Ay, no, m’ija. This is what I’m trying to tell you. They say that Latinos are the most mixed-blood people on earth. I attribute to this the fact that we are gorgeous, brilliant and spectacular. And we didn’t get that way by acting like the cochinera Berman sisters, or inbred Germans. We got that way by mixing it up with people outside the family.
25 comments:
Wow. I think this post is really unfair. There's incest everywhere, Usnavys.
I agree with Alisa - but then, I usually do.
Oye, chica, Usnavys, mi amor, pero you're completely right. I never thought about it like that before. Don't listen to Lauren and Alisa. They don't know what they're talking about. They're just defensive because they're half-white.
Usnavys - as your friend, I beg you to reconsider this whole blog idea. You never know who might be reading it. It's not smart to open yourself up like this, especially if you want to get ahead in business. I know the girls around the office read you all the time, but I can tell you it is not good for them to have "those kinds" of thoughts in the workplace. As their supervisor, I am horrified. I'm calling IT today to see if they can block your blog from my employees's computers. I hope you understand it has nothing to do with how I feel about you as a friend. For Juan's sake, and for Carolina's sake, I ask you to take the blog down immediately.
Damn, girl, you is FINE. You got a man? I promise we ain't related, me and you.
Sara, I don't think you have any room to accuse anyone of being "half-white," given that you are completely white and Jewish.
Amber - Te voy a escribir totalmente en espanol, porque a mi me parece tan raro que tu siempre estas criticando a la gente por no ser tan "brown" que tu, cuando tu misma no puedes hablar ni una palabra en nuestra idioma. Vamos a ver que sucede cuando lees esta nota, mi amor. Imagino que nada va a pasar. Absolutamente nada...
It's nuestrO idioma, Sara. But I respect the point you were trying to make.
jajajajaja
Cain't we all jus' get along?
All y'all girls just need to shut the f*#$ up and take your fight somewhere else.
HomieRaymundo - you got a picture to email me, honey?
WTF?
I think Usnavys is right, you guys need to fight somewhere else. You're giving me a headache.
Liz - did you forget who signs your paycheck, muchacha?
I got a pixtuh, girl. Just sent it to ya. buck nekked, too. that's why they call me Big Rey
WTF????????????
Usnavys?
I can't watch this. I'm going jogging.
OMG Usnavys...you are the latina that I look up too! I love your opinions because I share in the same thoughts! much love to you...!! Keep on posting!!!
Usnavis for an educated latina you're pretty ignorant.
See? I told you it was an unfair post.
Please, m'ija. I dare him to say it to my face, okay? I dare him. Plus, ain't no way I'm gonna pay attention to somebody who can't even spell my name. He can't spell Taino, okay? Why should I give him even a roll of my eyes? Please.
Usnavys, shame on you. I know you want people to think your name is Taino, but isn't is actually U.S. Navy? The first rule of blogging is you must always tell the truth. I thought everyone knew that.
It's true. Your momma named you after an aircraft carrier. Don't lie to people.
very interesting thoughts Usnavys, can't say i completely agree with you, but oh well i still think your an amazing and talented lady.
Thank you baby, sol. I don't ask anybody to agree with me, and I don't care when they disagree with me. But like every red-blooded woman, I do love me a compliment. Bring 'em on.
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